1. An ace is a monster and think You must be in front so call without hesitation.
2. Suspect you may be behind, but call coz of the terrific ‘pot odds’.
3. Type in “FFS I was gunna do that” in the chat box and reluctantly fold.
4. Fold, coz this is a junk hand and laugh at the mups who called with J8 and Q10 sooted.

You called a 10x big blind raise with 8 6 sooted,and now have a flush draw on an Ace high flop, when a known ‘rock’ moves All-in, do you:

1. You have hit your flop, Its an automatic call coz you have a monster.
2. Carefully weigh up the odds but call anyway, coz anuther game starts in 5 mins if u miss.
3. Carefully weigh up the odds but fold, its too early to risk your whole game on a draw.
4. Flip a coin and call if its heads, fold if its tails.

You have just chimped yet anuther big pot by hitting ur inside str8 draw on the river and are suffering abuse from all the other players, do you type:

1. “sorry I pressed the wrong button”
2. “Ul”
3. "woohoo”
4. “That’s poker”

You are on a bad run of muppetings and outdraws, and once again your top set gets taken down to a backdoor runner runner str8, do you:

1. announce on the forum that u will never play ladbrokes again, but still log in bright and early next day.
2. Actually close ur account and start playing other sites.
3. take it on the chin, u played correctly and was just UL.
4. Start abusing the player who muffed ya in the chat box

1. Call, coz he might be stealing
2. Call, coz “a pairs a pair” and u might be in front
3. Call, coz u like the rush.
4. Fold, coz WTF do you wanna get involved with 22 for so close to getting paid.

1. Ask if u can sit-down and play
2. Give ‘em a wide berth
3. Watch and hopefully try learn some new moves
4. Tell 'em they shud stick to the slopes and find a new hobby.

1. The freerolls and freebies
2. The guaranteed prize tourneys
3. The rakeback structure
4. The volumes of scandi fishmuppets sat at the tables.

1. Consider urself unlucky to run into bullets
2. Realise any 2 sooted aint the monster hand u thought it was
3. U made the right move, it got ya to the FT to start with, so u cant complain when it goes wrong once.
4. Seek medical help, WTF were u thinking

1. cancel the family party and invite the boys round
2. compromise, and begrudgingly invite ur parents and granny to play a 10 quid rebuy with ur m8's.
3. spent the afternoon in hospital for even suggesting it to ur wife.
4. leave it in the box and logon to Ladbrokes instead.

1. is the first internet site you visit in a morning poker related?
2. do you routinely eat meals in front of PC while playing poker?
3. do you spend more time playing poker than working?
4. does your partner sometimes say ‘You luv poker more than me'
5. have u watched a re-run of ‘Late nite Poker’ lately?
6. do you read ‘super system’, ‘harrington on holdem’ or ‘sklansky’ at bedtime
7. have you, or are you planning a holiday to Vegas
8. do you have real money accounts at 3 or more poker sites?
9. do you have poker tracker software installed to check your stats?
10. do you make posts on poker forums?

• 0-1 points. you cudn't give a chit bout poker and lead a happy life.
• 2-5 points. you are a borderline junkie and need help.
• 6-9 points. plz phone gamcare immediately, there's an operator standing by.
• 10 points. ur alias is probably ‘thelodger’.

1. do you massively overbet the pot on level one, regularly moving in UTG to win blinds totaling 30
2. do you usually CALL players that move in to win 30 chips
3. do you usually call an early position 10xBB raise with any 2 sooted cards?
4. do you justify your bad calls that get lucky by saying ‘it won didn’t it?’
5. do you limp with AJ and call two all-ins anyway when u miss the flop?
6. do you consider yourself ‘pot committed’ after a flat call?
7. Is Gus Hansen Your Hero?
8. would you rather have a flush draw than top set?
9. do you usually enter any pot with any ace?
10. do you believe QJ is a premium hand?

• 0 points. you’ve read the book buddy, but unfortunately pokers not for you
• 1-2 points. borderline muff
• 3-4 points. Your deffo a muppet, but there's still time to change m8
• 5–9 points. you’re a fishy muppet without hope who plays exclusively online at ladbrokes
• 10 points. You’re probably a scandi, and not afraid to put your dollars where ur brain should be, you’re got a bullet and poker is your weapon of choice. you should make a very tidy 2nd income.

1. it looks like a rewarding job with good prospects and pay
2. the sun, booze, and cheap cigs available on tax dodge island.
3. it’s marginally better than being on the dole.
4. You want to prove the parole board wrong and show them that there is a place in society for someone with ‘incurable megalomania’ after all.

You have been instructed to man the freefone number in the ‘Care’ department to cover for a colleague who has just suffered a 3rd nervous breakdown, when you once again hear the words ‘moron’, ‘tw4t’ and ‘wanker’ in the same sentence, do you:

1. ask the caller politely to tone the language down
2. curtly inform the caller that you aren't here to be abused and hang up
3. patch the call through to a your supervisor in the pub to give him a taste of what it’s like at the ‘sharp end’.
4. run a vicious hate campaign against the addict concerned, ignore emails, forum posts, cause account problems, issue a chat ban, and turn there ‘bad beat meter’ to max.

1. work out a ‘pro-rata’ formula based on chip stacks, number of players left and game time, to come up with an equitable solution.
2. Check company policy, just in case there are guidelines on what to do in events such as this.
3. Just give ‘em all there buy-in back, coz after the initial howls of protest, it’ll soon be forgotten about.
4. It depends on who’s left in, if u don’t like some of 'em, then cause as much aggravation as possible, coz what are they gunna do about it?

1. Tell them NO, you are a ‘professional’, and wouldn’t wanna work for any company that had such a cavalier approach to recruitment.
2. Inform them you are interested but require a written offer, and would like to have a meeting when you are sober.
3. Ask ‘em to buy you a few more beers while u think about it.
4. Instantly accept, spilling ur guts about any company secrets while simultaneously bad-mouthing everyone in your organisation.

1. make a post politely asking them to email enquiries to the ‘care’ department, my job is important to me and I have to stick to the rules.
2. discuss the possibility of a more flexible approach with your boss.
3. answer the post saying ‘we’ll look into it’ without any intention to, secretly enjoying the whinger wasting his time in repeated attempts to contact you.
4. Include your abusers in your ‘hit list’ and do everything you can to worsen the problem. He wont be in such a hurry for ‘assistance’ next time

1. It doesn’t look good, so you keep pretending that you haven't yet received the results, blaming ‘matters out of your control’
2. Issue a statement saying the figures are ‘within tolerance’, ignoring paragraphs that contain the words ‘incredulous’, ‘bias’ and ‘shocking’
3. Pass this hot potato to your boss, u don’t wanna be anywhere near the fan when this chit hits it.
4. Keep the results to yourself, and attempt to bribe your employer using threats of a multi-billion dollar class action lawsuit should you decide to publish the report on the web.

1. work professionally without moaning, coz ur efforts will be noticed and there will be better opportunities later for a hard worker like you.
2. You aren't happy, but struggle on and take notes to ensure things are ‘better next time’
3. Do the absolute bare minimum, believing this assignment was more a punishment than a reward for your efforts.
4. spend your time listening to bad-beats and drinking vodka with the eliminated players, while u plot and swear revenge against your employer.

1. temporarily give him his chat back, and assist wherever possible.
2. warn them both its against the rules but turn a blind eye to any private arrangement.
3. Tell them its strictly against the rules and give the other player a chat ban as well for even suggesting it.
4. Tell ‘em both not to be pussies and play for it, else you will deliberately crash the server and freeze there accounts, also reporting them as money launderers to the police.

1. Progressing to a ‘top job’, coz I’m ambitious, work hard and enjoy benefiting others.
2. still doing the same old crap and listening to the same whinges, but from even more players
3. In the gutter clutching a supermarket size plastic bottle of ‘Diamond White’ cider
4. a high security mental facility for the criminally insane.

• 1’s, you were born to be a PM, and will enjoy the challenges and interaction with your customers (for a week at least)
• 2’s, the role of a PM wasn’t what you had in mind when u left school as a bright eyed teenager, you can do it, but keep reading the recruitment pages buddy.
• 3’s, you have probably been fired from more jobs than you care to remember, and being a PM is your last chance to avoid a lifetime of social security queues.
• 4’s, you probably already are a Pokermanager who’s finished the crossword and surfing the web to kill time before lunch. Get back to work and answer a few emails will ya.